A Day in the Fit Life

The fitness blogosphere is full of competing information, but sometimes trends emerge. If you had your finger on its collective pulse (by the way, it would be a very fit, athletic pulse), you might discover some patterns in the given advice. 

And if that advice were distilled in a real day, it might look something like this: 

• You wake up and make your way to the gym in an intermittent-fasting-induced daze. 
  
• Your strength training session is short and intense, broken only for brief pauses to sip your branched chain amino acids. 
  
• This is followed by burpees or maybe you will drag something around like you're a husky or ox. 
  
• Stretching is out; rumble-rolling is in. 
  
• You sprint past the treadmills and stairclimbers and smirk at the cardio queens sweating it out. If you're not constantly afraid that a heavy weight will fall on your head, you're not working out! You might as well go home and eat a burrito in front of reality TV! 
  
• You are sprinting because you must drink your protein shake within 15 minutes of working out. 
  
• You make a greens-infused whey protein shake with cacao nibs, broccoli, Manuka honey, chia seeds, fish oil, digestive enzymes, a probiotic, almond milk and flax with your $600 Vitamix blender. That thing could purée an entire football field of AstroTurf if needed.  
  
• Walking should be leisurely. If your heart rate exceeds 65% of your max, you're no better than the cardio queens. Slow down bro! 
  
• Dinner is a gargantuan grass-fed bison burger, bunless of course, sautéed in coconut oil and a hearty serving of more greens, with some greens powder sprinkled on top. 
  
• But every fifth day you eat an entire large Pizza Hut Meatlover's Pizza, a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey and a liter of beer because it is your cheat day. 
  
• Swole is in; skinny's out.
  
• If you're a woman, being lean is a necessity, but you must also have boobs. A quandary. 
  
• At home you read your favorite fitness blog and discover that a new study has just been published that supports six meals a day, marathons and vegetarianism. 
  
• You cry yourself to sleep.