The fitness blogosphere is full of competing information, but sometimes trends emerge. If you had your finger on its collective pulse (by the way, it would be a very fit, athletic pulse), you might discover some patterns in the given advice.
And if that advice were distilled in a real day, it might look something like this:
And if that advice were distilled in a real day, it might look something like this:
- You wake up and make your way to the gym in an intermittent-fasting-induced daze.
- Your strength training session is short and intense, broken only for brief pauses to sip your branched chain amino acids.
- This is followed by burpees or maybe you will drag something around like you're a husky or ox.
- Stretching is out; rumble-rolling is in.
- You sprint past the treadmills and stairclimbers and smirk at the cardio queens sweating it out. If you're not constantly afraid that a heavy weight will fall on your head, you're not working out! You might as well go home and eat a burrito in front of reality TV!
- You are sprinting because you must drink your protein shake within 15 minutes of working out.
- You make a greens-infused whey protein shake with cacao nibs, broccoli, Manuka honey, chia seeds, fish oil, digestive enzymes, a probiotic, almond milk and flax with your $600 Vitamix blender. That thing could purée an entire football field of AstroTurf if needed.
- Walking should be leisurely. If your heart rate exceeds 65% of your max, you're no better than the cardio queens. Slow down bro!
- Dinner is a gargantuan grass-fed bison burger, bunless of course, sautéed in coconut oil and a hearty serving of more greens, with some greens powder sprinkled on top.
- But every fifth day you eat an entire large Pizza Hut Meatlover's Pizza, a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey and a liter of beer because it is your cheat day.
- Swole is in; skinny's out.
- If you're a woman, being lean is a necessity, but you must also have boobs. A quandary.
- At home you read your favorite fitness blog and discover that a new study has just been published that supports six meals a day, marathons and vegetarianism.
- You cry yourself to sleep.