Audrey Mary Chapuis
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In Praise of Wacky Diets

8/19/2013

 
I only met my great-grandmother once, in her small white cottage with a pretty porch swing, and what I remember most about the visit when I was six years old was a plate of greens she sautéed in bacon and fed me in her kitchen. I can't be sure, but I'm almost positive that in her life she never tried Tofurkey, sushi, protein bars, mole enchiladas, biscotti, curry or blue-veined stilton. 

She wasn't spoiled for choice like we are today, and yet she still made one of the best dishes I've ever tasted. These days we tend to idealize this simpler culinary time, imagining our foremothers gathering fresh herbs into their aprons plucked from sunny gardens and cooking up glorious feasts with food cultivated and produced by their hands or their neighbors'. They didn't count calories or go to the gym or think about blood pressure. They worked hard and ate well, but simply. 

But, to be honest, Great-Grandma was fat. 

Maybe it was all that bacon. Or maybe my memory is flawed, and she was an early fan of Coke and Doritos. Who knows? The point is, the simpler time wasn't necessarily better. If my foremothers reflected upon food, it was most likely along the lines of "Do I have enough food to feed my family?" not "Where does this fall on the Glycemic Index?" 

In any case, we cannot go back. We can try to replicate their restrictions by focusing on local, organic, seasonal vegetables and sustainable protein sources, but it must be a conscious choice and a deliberate effort, because the reality is, we are flooded by choice. 

Our grocery stores, practically warehouses themselves, overflow with the products of infinite combinations of manufactured flavors and newly invented textures to entertain your tongue. Fitness experts urge people to steer clear of the interior aisles and concentrate on the periphery, but even the periphery bulges with fruits and vegetables of all seasons, suspect fish and hormone-injected meat. We're obliged to be informed consumers, reading books on the proper way to eat for the planet and for ourselves. For the first time, we, not just our cultural or socio-economic reality, are responsible for our health, and if we are lucky enough to have the means for making knowledgeable decisions, we should try to do just that. 

In our idealized past, our mothers ate what their mothers gave them and they brought those lessons to us. But, in reality, our grandmothers discovered the joys of convenience food and our poor moms suffered the resulting stomachaches. Our mothers began the search for a healthier way to live, a better way to eat. 

My mother does not have an idealized culinary childhood. She remembers getting excited when a rare vegetable, canned of course, made an appearance on the dinner table. She remembers stomachaches, day after day. And, she remembers the nuns. At Catholic school pupils would bring in their bagged lunches and eat them at their desks in the classroom, and every day, my mother would unwrap her bologna sandwich on white bread with dread. So she began hiding them inside the convenient desk among her pencil box and notebooks. Of course the stashed sandwiches were found by the Sisters, and they charged ahead in a daylong campaign of shame that only ended when she had to carry home the moldy sandwiches in a sack to her parents. 

It's no wonder that she began looking for something better, and in her early twenties her health guided her to principles that she has maintained for the last 30+ years: no meat, very little processed sugar. She has stayed lean, healthy and stomachache-free ever since (except for that time I took her to Paris and introduced her to crêpes  and fondue). She created her own habits from research and experimentation; it was not passed down from generation to generation, if anything it was a break from tradition. And that is what many of us have to do today. We must examine our assumptions about food, from our childhood and culture, and find out what works best for us. 

We all have different traditions, and it's up to us to keep and honor them or reject them. Food can be a pleasure, a poison, a comfort, a cure and a hobby. It can sabotage our health or deliver us into wellbeing. We feed our cells with our chosen nourishment, so how do we choose? Do we let our tastes guide us? Do we let convenience dictate our diets? 

This is where wacky diets are helpful. 

I agree, the concept of a diet is kind of a downer, especially in the traditional sense of restricting food in order to lose weight. But, what if a diet was just a way of paying attention and trying new things in order to find your body's preferences. Unlike my mother, I haven't easily or quickly found my own perfect principles. It's a much more haphazard, scattered endeavor, one that careens toward one principle "Eat to live rather than live to eat!" then toward another, "Everything in moderation, including moderation!" 

If left to my own devices (which, to be honest, I often am), I would be a full-blown, full-time culinary hedonist, indulging in every pleasure known to the palate. I simply don't get bored eating. I find it endlessly fascinating and fun, from meal to meal. Because we are inundated by choice, we have to set some limits from time to time. People might argue that wacky diets set us up for failure, but to me wacky diets are simply self-experiments used to discover what works best for us. Try it out! See if it works! Something might stick, like vegetarianism for my mother; others might get crossed off the list (myself, I can't give up chorizo). What makes you feel good? What gives you the most pleasure? What's your body telling you? It was on a cleanse that I discovered that what I had assumed was an inbred anxiety was just my natural reaction to caffeine. 

Diets are a way of tuning into your body's subtle reactions, flipping on a light switch and seeing what's been present all along. I've done cleanses, tried Paleo, taken breaks from sugar, gluten, dairy and alcohol. In every case, yes, that pizza at the end tasted even better than I remembered, but I also came away with a new awareness. The pizza is delicious, but it does make me want to take a nap. Such an experiment can be a tool for mindfulness. 

The point is, eating must be done consciously these days. Perhaps our great-grandmothers were less neurotic about food than we are. They ate what they had access to. Obviously, it's a highly privileged position to sit at the foot of an entire world of choice now. Centuries of tradition, mountains of information and almost limitless food availability are our blessed burden. We must take our time, learn and choose well. And, when we do, it helps to maintain a spirit of exploration rather than restriction. Reflection and eating can both be celebrations. 

A Day in the Fit Life

8/15/2013

 
The fitness blogosphere is full of competing information, but sometimes trends emerge. If you had your finger on its collective pulse (by the way, it would be a very fit, athletic pulse), you might discover some patterns in the given advice. 

And if that advice were distilled in a real day, it might look something like this: 
  • You wake up and make your way to the gym in an intermittent-fasting-induced daze. 
  • Your strength training session is short and intense, broken only for brief pauses to sip your branched chain amino acids. 
  • This is followed by burpees or maybe you will drag something around like you're a husky or ox. 
  • Stretching is out; rumble-rolling is in. 
  • You sprint past the treadmills and stairclimbers and smirk at the cardio queens sweating it out. If you're not constantly afraid that a heavy weight will fall on your head, you're not working out! You might as well go home and eat a burrito in front of reality TV! 
  • You are sprinting because you must drink your protein shake within 15 minutes of working out. 
  • You make a greens-infused whey protein shake with cacao nibs, broccoli, Manuka honey, chia seeds, fish oil, digestive enzymes, a probiotic, almond milk and flax with your $600 Vitamix blender. That thing could purée an entire football field of AstroTurf if needed.  
  • Walking should be leisurely. If your heart rate exceeds 65% of your max, you're no better than the cardio queens. Slow down bro! 
  • Dinner is a gargantuan grass-fed bison burger, bunless of course, sautéed in coconut oil and a hearty serving of more greens, with some greens powder sprinkled on top. 
  • But every fifth day you eat an entire large Pizza Hut Meatlover's Pizza, a pint of Ben & Jerry's Chunky Monkey and a liter of beer because it is your cheat day. 
  • Swole is in; skinny's out.
  • If you're a woman, being lean is a necessity, but you must also have boobs. A quandary. 
  • At home you read your favorite fitness blog and discover that a new study has just been published that supports six meals a day, marathons and vegetarianism. 
  • You cry yourself to sleep.

New Health and Wellness Essay

6/17/2013

 
Deliberate Body 

On a hike along the California coastline one summer afternoon the guide asked me, out of the blue, what kind of sport I played.

"Volleyball? Basketball? Soccer?" 
 "Oh, nothing, I don't really like sports. I'm not very coordinated." My mind flashed back to me stumbling after a runaway kickball into the outfield in middle school, the coach hollering in a Texas drawl, "Girl, what in the heck are you doing?" 

Read More

50 Things To Do When You're Down

6/10/2013

 
What follows is a list of 50 jump starts to your mood. For a total tune up—to wrench the spinning-in-the-dark-mud mind completely out and back onto the sunny expressway—the Mood Mender recommends a plan of (5) (26) and (45) over a period of two days with no deviation. This will guarantee success. However, we realize that this two-day comprehensive cure is not always available, in which case one or a combination of these techniques and cures will at least get the motor running.

Walking Cure
1. As soon as possible, strap on some appropriate footwear and hit the pavement, sidewalk, sand, dirt road, or ideally, the hills.
2. If it's feasible, grab some walking sticks, those will make you feel even better.
3. Take a different path than usual, that will get your neural pathways hopping
4. A 15 minute walk will distract you from your mood; a three hour one will have you mentally skipping
Workout Cure
5. Move until you're drenched in sweat.
6. Sweat for at least an hour.
7. Keep sweating in the steam room. 
8. While sweating do not wear hideous workout clothes, that means, paradoxically, no sweat pants or long-sleeve college t-shirts.
9. Gym machines are good; weights are better.
10. Doing shoulder presses and squats while listening to rock and roll is the best.
Talking Cure
11. Call your mom.
12. Talk with your mom about philosophy, art, movies, gossip, brain science, or astrology.
13. Call your friends. Texts don't count.
Writing Cure
14. Open your laptop wherever you are and start typing
15. Find a good pen—thin sharpies are especially satisfying—and start writing.
16. Fill up lots of white space. Your psychic self is calling you back.
17. Write about your dreams.
18. Write about your frustration.
19. Write about something completely foreign to you.
Cooking Cure
20. Open a cookbook and plan a meal.
21. Buy the food to make that meal.
22. Ideally, the meal should be light. Homemade soup is tonic.
23. Clean as you cook.
24. Try something new.
25. Eat your creation. 
Diet Cure
26. The diet cure is akin to the cooking cure, but works best over time, two days minimum; eat fresh, whole, raw foods.
27. Make a salad that rivals expressionist paintings in its color palette.
28. Eat huge trees of broccoli.
Grooming Cure
29. Take a bath.
30. Get a massage.
31. Get a facial.
32. Get your nails done.
33. Take a steam bath.
34. Do any of the above with a candle lit.
35. Smell and wear perfume.
36. Groom your space too. Throw out broken, unusable things. Make a place for usable things and put them there.
Reading Cure
37. Go to the bookstore and let your mental divining rod bring you to an author with a powerful voice.
38. Revisit the authors you love.
39. Read books with nice, tactile pages.
Meditation Cure
40. Wherever you are, breathe.
41. Make the breath meaningful.
42. Dreaming counts as meditation.
43. So does daydreaming.
44. But, above all, the most powerful meditation is sleep.
45. Sleep for at least 8 hours, two nights in a row.
46. Sleep on freshly-washed sheets; if they are just popped out of the dryer, then bliss will come.
47. Sleep in a familiar bed in a silent room.
List Cure
48. Make a list.
49. Do something on that list.
50. Cross it off.

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